I didn't watch a ball of the Sydney Test
Confession one: I didn't watch a ball of the Sydney Test; not a session, not an over, not even a ball.
Confession 2: I watched just parts of the first day of the MCG Test. That that was that.
It's never happened before. At least not in the last decade and a bit more.
The start of the Australian summer was something I literally looked forward to, months in advance. And this year, nor was there anticipation, nor the customary excitement in the lead-up to it. That, despite India being the opponent.
There was a time I would be up by 4 am for a 4:30 start with my text book of Structural Analysis yanked open in front of me, oblivious as ever to the content. That was in case Amma woke up and asked me why I'm wasting my time, or how I was up to watch a cricket game when I wouldn't wake up that early even during semester exams. All that, for the pre-show, which stretched all the way through to the post-match show. Eventually, though, she started keeping me company on those cold mornings.
This year, my grandmum and Lyka kept me company through the first two Tests in Adelaide and Perth. Once I returned to Bangalore, the switch turned off.
I was told by someone back in 2011, when I first received my offer letter from Sportskeeda and was shutting the chapter on my career in engineering, not to make my hobby or passion a career. He said it'll become just a job then and you won't have the zeal for it as you do now. You couldn't blame me for brushing the suggestion off callously. I had finally landed myself the opportunity of working in cricket. And writing was something I always had a keen eye for. Merging the two was as good as it could get, right? Right? It was the start to an incredible journey I have absolutely no regret for.
The flipside to that, however, is that the fangirl in me has dissipated.
It was coming for a while. The warning signs were blaring the last few years. I love my job, and the work I do, don't get me wrong, but I no more want to hang out with people who want to discuss cricket overtly. I don't want to watch any of it once I'm through with my everyday shift. What used to be my go-to, is now my reality. So I need a replacement. It's only fair... but if it's right, why do I feel slightly guilty?
I want different. I want to lend my focus to many of other interests. Then my mind wanders to the possibility of honing my skills in art. The counter to that is what if someday I feel like I'm good enough to pursue a career in art? What if it seems like an amazing prospect until I do and it's all great for a decade, and then I want something else?
Nobody said you have to do just one thing for the rest of your life. It doesn't hold true for those fluid enough to evolve and are not averse to risk. Can you have the same zeal for things as you did when you were 5 or 10, or 20, when you're 30? Can you never develop varied interests? It is innate to us humans to keep growing. I'm not even the same person I was a month ago. So how can I expect my interests to remain constant?
That said, my interest in cricket has not dissolved. It's the nature of it that has evolved with time. Most things still haven't changed, but my response has. I still get cop abuse for my endearment towards Australia, but it doesn't affect me now. It still hurts when they under-perform, but it doesn't have a bearing on my mood or temper anymore.
When a friend asked me if I wanted to meet yesterday, he added: “If you need space to mourn, I will understand.”
It would've been the case years ago. It isn't anymore.
It's not good or bad. It's probably just growing up.
Confession 2: I watched just parts of the first day of the MCG Test. That that was that.
It's never happened before. At least not in the last decade and a bit more.
The start of the Australian summer was something I literally looked forward to, months in advance. And this year, nor was there anticipation, nor the customary excitement in the lead-up to it. That, despite India being the opponent.
There was a time I would be up by 4 am for a 4:30 start with my text book of Structural Analysis yanked open in front of me, oblivious as ever to the content. That was in case Amma woke up and asked me why I'm wasting my time, or how I was up to watch a cricket game when I wouldn't wake up that early even during semester exams. All that, for the pre-show, which stretched all the way through to the post-match show. Eventually, though, she started keeping me company on those cold mornings.
This year, my grandmum and Lyka kept me company through the first two Tests in Adelaide and Perth. Once I returned to Bangalore, the switch turned off.
I was told by someone back in 2011, when I first received my offer letter from Sportskeeda and was shutting the chapter on my career in engineering, not to make my hobby or passion a career. He said it'll become just a job then and you won't have the zeal for it as you do now. You couldn't blame me for brushing the suggestion off callously. I had finally landed myself the opportunity of working in cricket. And writing was something I always had a keen eye for. Merging the two was as good as it could get, right? Right? It was the start to an incredible journey I have absolutely no regret for.
The flipside to that, however, is that the fangirl in me has dissipated.
It was coming for a while. The warning signs were blaring the last few years. I love my job, and the work I do, don't get me wrong, but I no more want to hang out with people who want to discuss cricket overtly. I don't want to watch any of it once I'm through with my everyday shift. What used to be my go-to, is now my reality. So I need a replacement. It's only fair... but if it's right, why do I feel slightly guilty?
I want different. I want to lend my focus to many of other interests. Then my mind wanders to the possibility of honing my skills in art. The counter to that is what if someday I feel like I'm good enough to pursue a career in art? What if it seems like an amazing prospect until I do and it's all great for a decade, and then I want something else?
Nobody said you have to do just one thing for the rest of your life. It doesn't hold true for those fluid enough to evolve and are not averse to risk. Can you have the same zeal for things as you did when you were 5 or 10, or 20, when you're 30? Can you never develop varied interests? It is innate to us humans to keep growing. I'm not even the same person I was a month ago. So how can I expect my interests to remain constant?
That said, my interest in cricket has not dissolved. It's the nature of it that has evolved with time. Most things still haven't changed, but my response has. I still get cop abuse for my endearment towards Australia, but it doesn't affect me now. It still hurts when they under-perform, but it doesn't have a bearing on my mood or temper anymore.
When a friend asked me if I wanted to meet yesterday, he added: “If you need space to mourn, I will understand.”
It would've been the case years ago. It isn't anymore.
It's not good or bad. It's probably just growing up.
Kritika...everything you have written is logical! It happens to us all in this business and we get to the stage where we 'manage' our love and passion for the sport and our expectations from it. Broadening your cerebral landscape is praiseworthy and one I would recommend. Very nicely wirrten article. Straight from the heart...and the soul! xx
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